Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I liken the steps of the entire dating process to a first date. It sets the tone for how you interact throughout the relationship. What you accept and what you reject during that date, determine all else. In fact, you actually began to set the standard in your earliest talks with him. You were clear and direct regarding your standards, likes and dislikes. And, you have been noticeably consistent  in the way you conducted yourself over the course of many conversations. He has been paying very close attention to that.

In this case, that first date is a day-long affair, beginning in the afternoon and going on late into the night. It's a chance to spend quality face-time together; after months of {technologically assisted} discussions. In that time, you've each learned what makes the other tick; kinds of food you eat; and, places you like to go, among other things. Actually, you've gotten to know each other quite well.

All those little details do matter. One day, they may come into play in ways you never would have suspected. For instance, while the two of you were skyping and talking on the tele, on more than one occasion, he overheard Trey Songz playing in the background and made a mental note of that.

So, now, you both agree it's time to See each other. He tells you he is planning a lovely afternoon and evening for you. The day has finally come! He treats you exactly how you like to be treated.  He doesn't let you get into or out of the car without opening it for you; and, he opens all the doors to every place you visit that day. At the start of the date, he presents you with flowers, a package of your favorite vegan chocolate truffles from that chocolatier you love and a nice portion of that aromatic green herb you like to indulge in, occasionally. :-) 

Throughout the day, he's constantly checking on you to see if you're ok, if you need anything. All the attention has you glowing. During dinner, the waiter brings you the wrong dish! You don't, so much as, raise an eyebrow, though. You simply point it out to your date and he handles everything. Next thing you know, the waiter is offering you another glass of wine and promising an extra dessert!! As you sip the wine, you smile, confidently, at your date. While you gaze adoringly at him- for his physical features and other beautiful qualities, he contemplates the big surprise he arranged for you. He took a big risk and really wants you to enjoy it. As the two of you stare into each other's eyes, your focus is drawn back into the restaurant because you hear a familiar voice.  It's your boy!! Trey Songz is in the building and HE is serenading YOU!!!  

You end the evening at your place. You invited him in for a warm cup of tea before he heads back home in the nighttime cold {no matter where you are and what season it is, it gets pretty chilly at night, Right?} You bring him the cup of tea and sit by his side. Wanting to cater to him now, you ask if there is anything else he wants. Tee hee hee. He gives you a look. Then, he places your foot on his lap and proceeds to massage it. Lahd Hav Mercy!! HE KNOWS that's your weak spot. He undresses you. And, you.... allow him to.... Hey.. don't judge! The rest, my Loves, is Herstory... Talk about gifts upon gifts! Let's just say, that night, it was definitely all about you!!! As it should be.

  1. Worship You~ Let him worship you for the God{dess}You Are. He's going to do so, anyway- whether you know it or not; until you give him reason to think otherwise. *Woman is man's only true religion.** They Study Us {like the Bible, Koran, ...}; Sing Our Praises; Make Us a Major Part of Their Daily Routine; Want to get Baptized/Initiated Into/Anointed By Us; Confess to Us; Seek Forgiveness From Us; Bow Before Us; Kneel at Our Alter; and, Their Character {should} Be Greatly Improved By Practicing {us}. Men seek our approval and look to us to set the behavioral standard. In his mind, you are the example of excellence. He'll always hold you in high regard, so long as you maintain your decorum.
  2. Make Offerings To You~ Remember, he worships you! That line he used when you first met~ offering; all the events he planned for you on your first date {including the Trey Songz serenade}~ offering; the confessions, personal stories he told you and secret admissions from the pages of his life~ offering; and, that last scenario at the end of the story above~ *offering!* He wants to become a well-respected member of your church..And Soon! Accept his offerings and shower him with blessings. Before long, small offerings will turn into bigtime trinkets!! ;-)
  3. Plan For You~ Let him plan and execute the entire affair. He is more than willing to lead the way. Sometimes we forget, men are quite capable of planning. But, if they don't, personally have the skills, they won't have a problem enlisting the help of an assistant. *Once you agree that he is in charge, Trust His Decisions. He needs no interference from you. It will boost his ego and you'll reap the rewards! Allow him to plan for you now and he'll be doing it, successfully, for years to come! Oh, and, be sure to give feedback- accentuate the positives!
  4. Open Doors For You~ You might be thinking: I don't need a man to open doors for me; I can do that for myself! That's your problem!! Why work harder than you have to? Just because you can? You can use your energy elsewhere. When someone is willing to make it a little easier for you, especially a man you're interested in, let them! You deserve it. Be thankful and  accept graciously. As in the little story above, when a man brings you into his world, all he wants you to do is sit back, relax and enjoy the experience. Aren't they fond of saying: "I got you." Quiet as it's kept, men are really here to assist women {I said it!}. They are Our helpmates, contrary to what some religious texts proclaim. The more doors you let him open for you now, the more you'll be able to fully participate in the moment ~like, when you become a Mama one day. You'll need all the help he {not, necessarily, him but, that special man} can give you and more!! **Relationships are like businesses- Everyone has something to do and once you're on your job, you stand to benefit. When the door is being opened for you, Walk On Through!!! 
  5. Make It Better For You~  Let him fix it. Give him the chance to make corrections/ adjustments/ improvements. And don't get in his way! P.S.~ You handled the entree error at the restaurant perfectly! On a more practical note, if you have a minor repair that needs tending to, ask him to do it while you're making him tea {before he gets too comfortable!}He'll be more than happy to oblige. *If he gets into the habit of making it better now, you can always count on him to do more of the same in the future.
  6. Pamper You~ Men love to pamper us. If there is something they can do to keep us in a great mood and/or exceed what they perceive as our level of expectation, they're all in! A man much prefers the company of a pleasant woman to a b***h on wheels. When you're bitter, angry or even sad, they get extremely uncomfortable and want to get outta dodge as fast as they can! He lives to please you. *Let him. Before you know it, he'll be setting up spa days for you. Who wouldn't smile at that?!
  7. Gift You~ He planned and executed, opened doors, made it better, pampered you and showered you with gifts.. all because he truly worships and wants to get in good with you. He provided everything you needed to enjoy the personalized experience he created just for you. Later, he lavished you with all kinds of gifts {referring to the scenario at the very end of the story}. Just kidding! *If you continue to Be The Standard, he'll have plenty more in store for you.
*Remember~ The entire dating experience is filled with gifts. Even when the actual physical first date doesn't turn out to be quite what we want, we can still learn and grow from it. That's the gift we should really treasure.


  1. Amen! Where can a brother tithe? ;)

  2. LOL.. Well, You Know, Brotha..There's a church every few blocks in most hoods! If you're more interested in locating the proper Temple, however, you're gonna have to do some careful research! {{^_^}} ..

  3. I love this post. I want to ummm...give it to some single women at work. I agree, it's oka to let a man take charge and appreciate what he's doing. Men love to feel like MEN!!! Let them. Kudos on this blog!!!

  4. @Frankiegurl~ Thanks, Love!! Share! Share! Share!
    *Be Green about it and Email the Link/ Tweet It/ Post on Your FB Page. Let's get the word out!! It's time for a Real Woman's Movement, Sis!!!!!!!!!


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